Everybody says that children will change everything. That there is a clear line of demarcation that identifies your life before-child vs. after-child. That you can’t even imagine how big of a change it will be.
There is so much anticipation, but I have no idea what I’m anticipating.
I’ve never been a baby/kid person. The sight of a baby never, ever made me want one (or even want to hold one). It made no sense to me why I would want to hold someone else’s baby. Kids were strange creatures that spoke a different language and were interested in things that I did not care to participate in. Even the thought of having my own children was not appealing to me. While I was open to the idea that I may one day change my mind, I was very clearly not interested in having children, probably until as little as 5 years ago.
It was a very gradual change that happened — maybe I was growing up/growing old. Maybe I saw enough of my peers go through it that motherhood became less of a mystery. Maybe seeing my own parents grow older, having the last three of my grandparents pass away, and feeling like my own life was settling down into a predictable routine, have contributed to the sense that I can bring a person into the world and care for him properly.
In any case, here I am. 31.5 weeks pregnant. A 3.25 lb person growing and kicking inside of me. Waiting for my life to change. Wondering how I will handle the adventures to come. Wondering how I’m going to feel stepping over that line.